ACIM and Relationships
Relationships are the Course's primary classroom. Everything you need to learn, you can learn through your relationships with others.
Special Relationships
The Course uses the term "special relationships" to describe the ego's version of relating. In a special relationship, we seek in another person what we believe we lack in ourselves — love, worth, completion, security.
Special relationships are based on bargains: "I'll give you this if you give me that." They're conditional. And because they're based on the belief in lack, they inevitably lead to disappointment, anger, and guilt.
This doesn't mean the Course is against relationships. It means the ego's purpose for relationships — to fill a void — can never bring lasting peace.
Holy Relationships
A holy relationship is a special relationship that has been given to the Holy Spirit for a different purpose. Instead of using the other person to reinforce your ego, you allow the relationship to become a vehicle for forgiveness and awakening.
In a holy relationship, the goal shifts from getting to giving, from judgment to acceptance, from fear to love. The other person becomes a partner in your journey home, and you in theirs.
Practical Application
The Course doesn't ask you to leave your relationships or find "spiritual" ones. It asks you to transform the ones you have. Here's how:
- See every conflict as an opportunity for forgiveness
- When triggered, ask: "What am I choosing to see?"
- Remember that your partner's behavior is either love or a call for love
- Practice seeing the Christ in the other person
- Release your expectations of what the relationship "should" be
For related practice, see Lesson 68: Love holds no grievances.
*For the complete Course text, visit acim.org. This is original commentary and does not reproduce copyrighted Course material.*